Learning to be Present

Currently watching the World Cup (Go NORWAY!!) and reflecting. It's been over a month since I walked and received my master's degree from Michigan State University, and I am still feeling the excitement and buzz. That feeling was reinforced when my graduate certificate in Design Leadership arrived, along with my Master's in Learning Experience Design. Holding those accomplishments in my hands and figuring out what kind of frame I want for them has been one of my recent uses of time.

That, and getting back into the habit of real life outside of school.

Personally, I am like a heavy ball. If I am in motion, it is easy to direct me. However, if I take too much time and lose momentum, it becomes hard to do anything. I have spent my time being sick (my body was basically saying, "School's over, here are all the illnesses you picked up"), moving composite decking into my backyard to get ready to fix my porch, and making my summer to-do list.

I also need to pick a new student loan repayment program, as the current administration has gotten rid of the one I have. I am nervous about my debt and hopeful that I will be able to pay it off. This weekend, I start my summer job again at the retail store where I have worked for over 20 years, and I look forward to being around my community. I am hoping my new contract and pay scale this fall can cover my current life and my loans.

I also have dreams of being paid to be a student. It is a life I like and one I am pretty good at.

Recently, for giggles as well as curiosity, I have been casually looking into Ph.D. and Ed.D. programs. My current interests are self-regulation and staff regulation, as well as student regulation and performance. I would love to research whether there are correlations between educational performance and teaching satisfaction if we took more time for "tending to our fire" so we can better tend to others.

I have also had some peers mention leadership. I have never really looked at myself as a leader. I have years of management experience, but not much in a school setting. I am part of the district leadership team and the forestry management team, but there are a few things hindering me from pursuing these goals.

First, I need to just live and be right now. I need to reconnect with life and with my wife. I need to take what I have learned, let it sit with me, and apply it to my current classroom.

Then there is the cost. I need to pay down the debt from my current education. In my research into free Ph.D. programs, I have found that many essentially require you to work as a research assistant or for the university in exchange for a stipend and tuition.

That brings me to the third factor: the selfishness of it.

My wife sacrificed so much so I could complete my master's degree. She picked up the slack around the house and understood that much of the time we would normally spend together went into homework. We have a home, a life, and careers. To receive a stipend and work as a research assistant, I would most likely need to be physically present at the university. That would mean giving up my house, my life, and my job. My wife would have to do the same. That is too big an ask of anyone.

All that being said, if I were to do it, it would be fun to attend a great school for education, such as Michigan State, Stanford, Harvard, Penn, or Teachers College. It could even be a way to fulfill my dream of living in Norway and becoming a research assistant at the University of Bergen or the University of Oslo.

I was even told that if you earn your Ph.D. in Finland, you receive a top hat and a sword (along with a great education).

I have faith in life, in doors opening when they should, and in the important lesson of being present until that door opens. My wife also has her own dreams and goals, and I need to be present to support them.

Enough reflecting, my dog needs to be let out, and my garden needs some love.